More sm_monthly goodness....


Cake Day
by papirini



"SURPRISE!!"

Haruka stared as the behemoth monster appeared in her living room the moment she opened the door. It was unusual for anyone, let alone Floritiuse, to come to the abode of the outer soldiers, as it was well-situated outside of the area where most of their friends would walk.

On the other hand, the giant white slab that the nine-foot alien threw onto her kitchen counter was a source of amusement for Haruka, who at first had no idea what it was. Whatever it was, Haruka was worried she wouldn't like it when push came to shove.

"Er...." Haruka looked up at Florituse, her expression blank. "Thank you, for the....eh, brick. We'll use it...somehow, but...what's the ocassion?"
"Cake!"
"Hmm?"
"It's Cake Day!" Wearing a little shawl around her head, Foritiuse proudly showed off the giant square that was in front of Haruka. "On Themis, this is the day that we celebrate the creation myth of our world. As part of tradition, we make two cakes. One for eating, and one for throwing!"
"...Throwing?"
"Don't worry!" Seeing Haruka's face pale at the word, Floritiuse began to giggle. "Usually, we are supposed to throw it in the kitchen, but this year I made sure to throw that cake outside. Actually, I threw it into the wall of your garage."
"Charming...."
"Don't worry, I cleaned it up."
"Did you?"

Sliding over to the window, Haruka squinted her eyes as she looked over towards the stately garage for any sign of a mess. Sure enough, the alien had cleaned up the mess; there was a little black plastic bag sitting near the faded outline of vanilla icing on the garage wall. Suds from the clean-up still clung to the newly-installed siding that Haruka had put on only two days prior.

"Meeeh." At this, Haruka sighed. "Thanks for the thought...."

-------

All four outer soldiers - Setsuna, Michiru, Haruka and Hotaru - sat down at the table as Floritiuse began to cut up the cake. Awkwardly using the cake knife, Florituse nevertheless managed to make somewhat even slices for everyone, however big they ended up being.

"Floritiuse-san." Michiru smiled as she looked at her piece. "You don't mind if I cut this in half, do you?"
"Not at all!" As she finished passing out the pieces, the tentacled creature sucked the icing off of her appendages. "Mmmm....good!"

At this, she flopped down into her seat, and began eating her cake. Everyone else also began to eat. It was a dark brown cake - obviously chocolate to the humans, with some dark chips added in. The chips themselves crumbled in their mouths, and had little taste, at least not in comparison to the chocolate, which seemed to have had something added to it. The taste was so strong that Michiru's eyes almost welled up with tears.

"Oh, great force of the universe." Suddenly, Floritiuse spoke in a loud voice. "Don't let Garm take this cake and throw it on the wall!"
"Garm?"
"Oh yes." Floritiuse nodded solemnly. "The husband of Graal, the creator of the universe and Themis."
"Mmm." Haruka had another bite. "This is crunchy. Not bad, though."
"You like it? I made it in Usagi-chan's stove!" Floritiuse clapped two appendages together. "I was worried that it didn't cook right."
"No, it cooked just fine." With a smile, Setsuna took another bit. "So, tell us about Graal. Seems like there's a story involved with this tradition."
"There certainly is!" Floritiuse took a large bite of her own cake. "You see, Cake Day commemorates the beginning of our world....and the universe. The story goes....something like this..."


Once upon a time, there were two people, Garm and Graal. They were the only two people in the universe, so they had to marry so they could make babies. But life was dull and ugly, since there was nothing in the universe, there was reallyt nothing to do except sit in the living room and make food in the kitchen.

It didn't help that Gram was a cruel person that hated children. Instead, he would yell and hit Graal when she did something wrong, as he liked putting her in her place.

"Hurry up with my food, woman!" He would shout from the living room. "I'm not gonna get less hungry here!!"
"Here..." One day, Graal timidly put a big plate down in front of her husband. "I made you cake with white icing. I hope you like it. It took me days to make it."
"WHAT! I HATE CAKE! I HATE WHTE ICING!"

With that, Gran took it and threw it into the wall. It splattered into a million jillion pieces, becoming the stars in the sky. Gram didn't take notice of this, because he was too busy beating Graal for making cake.

"Now go into the kitchen and make me something I LIKE!" He shouted to her as she fled into the other room, crying. "Or I'll make you regret it!"...


"....Yeah." Michiru was covering Hotaru's ears as the little girl ate. "This is a pleasant story."
"Don't worry!" Munching happily on her cake, Floritiuse waved off the concerns. "It's not bad for Graal forever."


Graal shut herself into the bathroom and cried and cried. She hated her husband, and she hated living in such a terrible place with no one to talk to. She was scared that her husband would eventually kill her.

That was when she had to go to the bathroom.

"Oh! I have to go to the bathroom!"

So Graal went to the bathroom. When she finished, she was going to get rid of her excrememnt, but then she saw a perfectly circular, warm, squishy piece of poo in the-


"Are you KIDDING?" Haruka's mouth dropped. "We're EATING!"
"Oh..." Floritiuse's face fell at this. "I'm...sorry..."
"It's ok." Setsuna slowly brought her fork up to her mouth. "Just find a similar object to replace it."
"Ok...."


So, where was I?....Oh yeah. Graal took the perfectly round piece of......cardboard...right. Cardboard. She took the cardboard to her husband.

"Look!" Graal was very excited. "Look! I can use this to make a new world! I can grow things on it and it has the proper nutrients! We won't be so bored now! See?"
"You fool!" Gram started hitting her again. "You're a fool! I'm going to kill you now!"

But Graal loved her....cardboard too much and wanted to protect it from her evil husband. So she took out a glonku from the drawer (That's the Themisian knife) and hacked him to pieces.

"At last!" Graal felt a great weight lift off of her. "I am free from my cruel husband!"

So she took his hacked up pieces and made little people out of them, which she used to inhabit her new piece of....cardboard, which was big enough to be a planet. She lived for 300,000 years, teaching everyone the basic skills of life, which included baking cake and marrying the right man. And to this day, on Cake Day, we make cake out of what Graal gave us to celebrate the beginnings of a new year!


There was utter silence as Flortiuse finished her story. Except for Hotaru, who was finishing up her piece of cake and was licking her lips, everyone else was staring at the monster with open mouths.

".....You....." Michiru didn't know where to start. "Didn't!!!"
"Huh?" Floritiuse looks confused. "Didn't what?"
"....Floritiuse." Haruka shakingly put her fork down. "Did you....put it into your cake?"
"Put what?" Floritiuse looked at Michiru and Haruka, more confused by the minute. "What did I do?"
"....It doesn't taste like she put any in it." Looking slightly queasy herself, Setsuna looked down at her plate. "Though it is the right color-"
"What?!" Floritiuse's eyes bugged out. "WHAT?!"

It took her a moment to register what the group was talking about, and her yellow eyes bugged out when they did. Meanwhile, Hotaru was looking at everyone, confused.

"N-NO!" Floritiuse gasped, looking indignantly at the three adults. "NEVER! NOT EVER! I would NEVER put THAT in my cake!! That's BLASPHEMOUS!!"
"That what," At this, Haruka stood up, her eyes blazing, "Did you mean by putting in 'what Graal gave us'? What did you put in this cake?!"
"Wh-what I always put in the cake! C-c-coocor...." Floritiuse was trembling at this. "Fl-flour, icing.....I added c-c-cinu...cinuhmun...seeeen-"
"WHAT ELSE?!"
"D-d-d-dirt!"
"WHAT?!"

Haruka immediately clawed through her cake, only to find that, indeed, there were tiny chunks of brown dirt mixed in with the chocolate. More specifically, it was bits of the sidewalk dirt that people trod on in front of the Tsukino house; there were even the tiniest specks of concrete in it. Making an angry gagging sound at this discovery, she rushed out of the room, flew into the bathroom, and closed the door behind her with a slam.

".....Phew." After another prolonged silence, Setsuna rubbed her head. "I thought you actually put poop in your cake."
"Absolutely not!" Floritiuse looked slightly offended. "What That's not what Graal gave us in our tradition! She gave us the dirt on the ground and the recipe for this cake!!"
"Good." At least to Michiru's surprise, Setsuna took another mouthful. "Mmm. It is a bit crunchy."
"Floritiuse-san...I'd have to say," Michiru gulped at this, "In terms of that story, I think I have to disagree with you on what you were given by your....creator."
"Why?"
"....What about poop?"

The two humans and one alien looked at Hotaru as she sat in her seat. Her portion of the cake was completely gone, and she looked at Michiru and Setsuna's pieces, her eyes clearly begging for more.

"...Nothing, Hotaru." Haruka's gagging sounds could be heard in the hallway as Michiru mumbled. "It's nothing at all."